Show me love April 23, 2007

Tonight, of all the seven nights to go out and carry on like the common filthy hetaeristic demonic child that I am… I had an extraordinary revelation. True love is pointed directly in all of our faces. We’ve never learned to recognize true love – more than that just considered common. There simply wasn’t a class on it… in-between Home Economics, Sex Ed and Drivers Ed.

Having spent the first 35 years of my life posing in my own self perceived fabulousness, as most of us might have; I came to a conclusion in that horrifically long chapter in my life… say, around 37. I found that I’d never had proper enlightenment, or encouragement to set loftier goals for my future. I was simply put, disregarded… damaged goods… marked down to half price… buy one get one free… unintentionally poised for the probability of being a complete failure…… I was unloved.

At some point during that ignoble young super-sale, say… at 40 years of age, I’ve taken the time to recollect the usual “liberty” visits that my father was awarded during his time defending our country. Since I’m far from being a math wizard, I added and subtracted dates, carried the two, divided by seven, had a drink… and arrived at the reality of me being unplanned. My sister and I were simply a shot in the dark on my parent’s behalf – exactly marked nine months post liberty, times two.

That’s likely is the norm from that era. Regardless, during all the missed opportunities in my life- I was never taught what love is. The expected love and nurturing one might assume from their mother and father. I wasn’t told the many variances of the meaning of said word. Kindergarten love. Real love forever and ever, or even for the moment. Add love at first sight (I’ve always thought that was a ‘crock-o-shit’ – but I’ve experienced it personally). Playful love, perhaps that felt for a family pet. Passionate, desperate, sleep deprived, heart-wrenching unbridled love of a high school sweetheart.

Incestuous love. Love from a trusted neighbor or Pastor. Love from a passerby at the safe haven of a school bus stop. Love improper.

Tonight, at 42.75 years old, during the borderline insanity that is currently my existence – I embraced the meaning of what real love is: the love of my life. As in past tense, I was no where near expectant of where or when this love might have accosted my well worn heart. It came in the form of two Labs and a Hag. For all the finery and riches collected the world over – I couldn’t replace her.You are my sunshine… you are my cloudiest day… you are real.

I love you FILTHY

W

implicit Imperialist April 16, 2007

I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat intelligent. If nothing more, certainly less simple than your average sheep. I wish I could respect the following subject or the institution from which it came. Any sort of test like this leaves so much to the author’s imagination of the way the world is from his/her broad… or grossly limited perspective. Liken it to the Stanford IQ test. Useless to all – period!

On that test I scored “superior to average” in 10 minutes time on a 30 minute test. I’m impatient and do not “go back” to questions that I didn’t know the answers to.  So, with that – and $9.75 I could get a Starbuck’s Latte.

I took this absurd racial test three times. They all three placed me in the “slight preference to white people to black people”.

Duh!! I’m Kilz primer white inside and out. At one point while taking the test – I was making a dry martini stirred not bruised with one Queen olive and one Holland onion served straight up poured from a fabulous 1930’s art deco shaker … simultaneously scratching my balls and just simply picked what I was forced to pick to keep the nonsensical test moving forward.

Still, I rated the same as if I were paying close attention. This ignorant sort of bull shit always surfaces when there is any sort of scandalous firestorm of Ho’s and nappyness – like with Imus, created by some… well, several… Malcolm X wannabies coke headed hate mongering racist perpetuatin’ cheatin’, outa wedlock breedin’ & sinnin’ with filthy assed nappy headed Ho’s posing as good ol’ boy God fearing reverends of the church of what the fuck B happenin’ now!

Anyway, take the fatuous test if you have five minutes to burn. Drunk & disorderly, at church Sunday morn, on your Blackberry, eating blackberry pie, whatever… the results shall be the same. And therefore is as useless as any other test based on chance. A spin at the roulette table is sure to hold a better return. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/takeatest.html 

later Nappys

PS:  If you wanna see a passionate writer’s carrying on… click here: http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/ 

She’s not nearly as filthy as she looks.